Everyone. I’m going to be honest with you. This week was busy, but has been so good. It’s amazing how much staying grounded in the whirlwind of my schedule has helped to keep my self-esteem up. I made sure that read a little bit each day, even if it wasn’t for long. If you’ve kept up with me, you’ll know that books keep me calm during the long haul, and during the times when I can’t remember who I am. When I forced myself to read when I was on the verge of stressing out, I was able to recharge myself and clear my head. I hope to keep this habit up, because books helped me see the positive things that happened this week. What I saw was:
How strong I am. I keep my schedule so tight, that I’m booked out (accident pun! love it!) from 6 am-9 pm, Monday through Friday. I’m good with this for now, because I can see how the things I’m doing now will not only ease up soon, but are helping me tremendously with my future.
How wonderful my spouse continues to be. I’m not a person who expresses feelings well with men. Situations in my past have resulted in a fear about what men expected me to be. I didn’t grow up with a great example of humane men. I grew up knowing I was different than others, too. I didn’t like hugging or touching. Holding hands with anyone (even friends) made me break out in an anxious cold sweat. And then, I met my wonderfully, non-aggressively, persistent husband, who didn’t worry that I couldn’t express myself with embrace, but I could with words and acts of kindness. I don’t struggle as much with being affectionate, but it took a lot of patience on his part to feel comfortable.
This week, he knew that I couldn’t focus on intimacy. It’s a positive stress point for me, but stress nonetheless. He knew I was in business mode, that I would come to him when I was able to hug tightly again. He let me be my quietly distracted self, and then last night I gave him a big hug (on purpose!) and felt open and happy with him.
How much I’m trying. I fail at being positive a lot. If I’m not prepared, I can let things get me down really quickly. Anxiety and depression can get overwhelming sometimes, like a choking smoke. Last week was rough for me. I was on my last speck of energy, and it felt like I was ready to throw the towel over a lot of things. I let myself feel it, fully. Ally Tymo, from #SoulSparkChat once told me that allowing myself to feel what’s rushing through me will allow me to heal more steadily. Her wisdom came at a really good time, and I’ve been implementing this thought daily. It’s innately human to feel, whether it’s negative or positive. It’s humanity’s blessing and curse. This past weekend, I let myself unpack emotions that I had kept bottled, one at a time. I let myself cry when I needed to. I let myself be upset and angry. I also let myself be unabashedly, chaotically happy. It felt so happy to let it all out, and feel content with who I was. I even let myself write something beautiful…but more on that later.
That’s all for me today. Now, it’s your turn! How has your week been?