Things are pretty busy around where I work at the moment. We’ve hit our peak time, and it’s been hard to stay caught up each day. Some things had to be put aside in order for me to survive the past few weeks. I’m hoping things will slow down as we near the holiday season, so I can focus on getting the extra stuff done in the day. I have been running on fumes from the piles of things I had to do outside of work. Last night was the first night in over a month that allowed me to get home before 9 pm. Stress and anxiety caught up with me this week, and I almost broke down. I wanted to give up everything that had been keeping me up so late at night, the papers that required writing and reading, the events that wouldn’t end on time, the duties around the house, all of the obligations that kept me away from my family.
All of this is to say that I didn’t have a lot of time to read and de-compress. Last week, I had kept to a schedule, but as soon as Monday came this week, I was dead on my feet and all of my drive to “be something” left me. I had to push myself into survival mode, to make it to the end of the week. I shut down emotions and shifted my priorities to focus only on tasks. And that is how my schedule has been: wake up, work, event, work, bed—5 am-12 am each day.
Next week begins the last month of this kind of schedule. I will have survived four months of literally running from one meeting to the next, the 3:30 am alarms, the phone reminders that I should have gone to bed before 12 am so I could receive more than two hours of sleep, the anxiety that woke me up even earlier, and the depression that I constantly fought to keep from slipping.
I’m so close, and that’s my victory.