I Wonder

phr_s0peof0-milada-vigerova

I’ve wondered lately if I’m a good person. I’ll say it to myself. I’ll let it marinate.

Sometimes I contemplate it so hard, that I lose track of time.

Hours go by for me without one word uttered. It blurs me in and out.

I never discover the answer. My mind never commits one way or another.

Today, I started feeling the familiar twinge of a migraine.

Light sensitivity, nausea, searing pain, intense fatigue.

It’s one of the many symptoms of this mental illness circling inside me.

It is the curse of thought, self-doubt, and a deep unrest within me.

Am I a saint or a devil? An angel or a demon? Good or evil?

The middle ground has disintegrated around me.

I can only replenish the sadness.

I can’t eradicate it.

I can only chip away at how much I care.